It’s true. Really. Ignore the people who would try to devalue submission.They don’t know what it takes to submit. There are women out there that want submissive men, that think submission is the sexiest thing ever. It doesn’t matter what you look like. What matters is that you are good and kind and respectful. That you see the woman who would be your dominant as human with their own emotions and needs. Submission should not be weakness, it isn’t. It should never be self loathing or come from low self esteem. Hone it, develop it. Make it count.
Recently, after posting a some stories over on Literotica, I received a few emails from submissive men who appreciated the way I’d put forward an actual couple in a loving romantic relationship that also happened to be D/s. I started writing these stories for a bit of fun. They weren’t anything serious. But these responses really made me realise just how much postive examples of D/s F/m relationships are needed. It’s hurting submissive men immesurably, dominant women too, turning the kind of relationships that we would seek into myth and fantasy, not a real possibility.
I’ve always known, but seeing first person accounts of how their submissive desires made them feel bad about themselves, how they thought they’d never find anyone. I wish there was a way I could make everything better. But there is so much pain, so that ultimately what happens is that some (not all) submissive men end up angry and passive aggressive. They hate that they’re submissive because it has affected their entire lives and yet, they need it -it’s a part of them, who they are and there’s never really any running away from it.
There are women who would maybe, in some other life try to be dominant and yet, they’re frightened away by a small handful of submissive men who are essentially sad, angry and confused inside. Is it any surprise when submissive men are so often treated with derision and at worst, disgust?
Of course, many more don’t react like this – it’s only a small group giving a bad name to the rest. But these men still feel as if they are expected to conform to the rigid standards of the man box. Which, inevitably they don’t fit into because, who the hell does? They’re afraid that their submission makes them weak, they’re told this not only by mainstream culture but also by the very scene that is meant to protect them, the place where they should feel safe and proud.
I think a big problem here is that not enough is being done to show F/m relationships for what they can be – just like any other – filled with other common interests, romance, fun, laughter. It doesn’t have to be all so serious.
Well, here’s a post that says so, from a woman that’s dominant. I’ve said before that there are probably a whole lot more women that are dominant too but many of them probably don’t realise it yet because they’ve never seen how fun, how sensuous and sexy it can be. They’ve never realised what is missing. There are probably women who know that something doesn’t feel right but they can’t work out what. I know it. I was one once.
There’s no shame in being submissive. It takes guts to admit these desires and to chase after what you want. A coward would live a lie, hide away. Breaking free from socially prescribed expectations and going after what you want is not weak. If a man got a bloody nose from fighting, or scratches and bruises from mountain climbing or football he’d be seen as manly and strong. How is masochism any different? Is sex really so different from sport? Does it have to be? Isn’t servitude wonderful? Isn’t it better to give than to receive, after all? Isn’t providing happiness for someone you care for the epitome of romance?
It’s tough, but can you imagine what could be possible if all submissive men were proud and totally comfortable with their submission? If submission was shown as something that was really as brave and sexy as many dominant women think it is? Yes, people are people, things are never as easy as that, and it’s just a hypothetical question. But imagine if it didn’t have to be? Submission is just that, it’s a part of so many men in the way that dominance is a part of so many women but it’s misunderstood,destroyed by society’s stupid gender expectations. Submission isn’t something that most submissive men can switch off, it’s part of them and there’s no shame in it. It’s beautiful.